February 21, 2012

Critical Mass Moment(s)

It is my belief and understanding that when an object (this includes human beings as an object) reaches critical mass it has two options. (Maybe more… but lets focus on these)

1)   Stabilize and maintain current status.

2)   Implode.

Things have been a little overwhelming as of late…and as any of my friends can tell you. I work under stress very well… I do not deal well with the outside world while I am stressed.  I have been trying to balance everything ,all the time, everywhere… the normal person realizes that this is impossible…. I still think it can be done.

So studying till 2-3 am every night. Getting to work at 10:30 everyday and trying to do such things as laundry, cleaning, eating and sleeping in the time that is left. I am sad to say making art has not fit into the equation.

Hence, Critical Mass moment(s)

I woke up this morning with the  sound of the alarm and I was very calm and quiet in my mind. The sun was out and it seemed a great day. But something seemed off.  It was not that I felt wonderful it was more the fact that I felt nothing. My mind and body had shut down/off.

I did not care that there was some woman yelling down the alley, or that I have a huge French test tomorrow night, that is stressing the hell out of me, I did not care that I had to go to work and the pile of stuff waiting there for me  Nothing mattered…. I hit critical mass I had two choices to stabilize or to implode… my being made the decision for me.

So it is not that I have given up. I will still push myself past my comfort level. But it made me stop today and think. What is enough, at what point will I be happy with what I am able to accomplish?

In a day,

a week,

a month,

a year.

Is there a point that I will say this is enough…

I don’t know…

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