Several days ago a very good friend asked me why I continue to invest my energy in maintaining a blog? When I really cannot measure the benefits or even the scope of how many people take the time to read it and maybe that this time could be better utilized doing something else.
At first I was really defensive about having my motives being questioned, but after giving it some thought I realized that my blog is a means for me to share my experiences in life. This allows my creative process to be transparent and visual for all to experience. I can only write what I know and how it affects me personally. So this blog is about my thoughts and experiences in life and how that informs my creative process. Art for me is the clearest way to explain and express what is in my mind, heart and soul. It runs the gamut of all emotions; sometime it is graceful and beautiful and other times it is messy and painful. The blog provides for me a vehicle to express this and gives it a voice for others to read, react and the hope that maybe my words might in some way benefit another individual.
One of the things I confront everyday day is Fear, Fear of not being good enough, Fear of making the wrong choice and sometimes just experiencing Fear as I walk out into the world attempting to do something new. I know that everyone can relate to how crippling Fear can be. Fear is a natural human trait and its purpose is to protect us. But often Fear is just a fabrication of the past trying to suffocate you from moving forward. Fear used to paralyze me and overwhelm me with self-doubt. I would play the “What if…” game and I would always lose.
Everyday when I wake up I challenge my Fears, pushing, kicking and screaming through it. Reminding them (and myself) that Fear has no power here. I chant it as my most powerful mantra as this reminds me of the strength and endurance that I possess. Because I am willing to face this Fear head on, I experience an awareness of freedom that surrounds me, protects me. I am able to inhabit my life having a greater understanding of my world and how I move forward in it… and as I peel back the layers, exposing the raw emotions it makes me feel very venerable and sometimes unsure of the outcome.
This opportunity allows me the capacity to be more compassionate with others in the world and also with myself. I feel that because of facing my Fears I can be more authentic in my life and in turn this helps me create the art and life that I am to create… and because of this I am not willing to settle for mediocrity in my life. Writing about these experiences in my blog gives me the chance to share my thoughts with others as it provides the voice allowing my words to be expressed. As always, I invite you to join me on a journey to explore memories of the future.