The last two weeks have been difficult and emotionally challenging as the accumulation of three months worth of work starts showing up in my g-mail account. Long hours spent in the studio. Most of what was created was either painted over or recycled. Hours spent creating things that lead to nothingness, it is disappointing, but I can view this as part of the process of getting to the really groovy stuff lurking under the surface. Drawing, painting, putting “stuff” together, tearing it apart again, staring at a blank canvas and spending time exploring the silence are the building blocks of my process.
Included in this is a large chunk of time spent writing; blog posts, submitting to exhibits/shows, residencies and applying for grants…. I don’t want to say that this is less fun… but in reality it is. This is more difficult because as it leaves the studio into the big art world my control to what happens… vanishes.
In the past three months I have applied for six shows, created applications for three residencies and submitted a proposal for a City of Chicago Grant. I have no concept of time spent, writing and rewrites, but I am guessing it is much better for my mental state to not sit down and figure it out.
Which leads to the title of this blog ‘Summer of Rejection’ of those I was accepted to participate in two exhibits. Each of the three residencies had their own individual issues for not accepting me and the grant was not funded. This is normal but usually never happening all within a two-week period and for even more of a reality check, all except the Grant application required a $20-$35 submission fee making it necessary for me to pay for my rejection.
I am at the point where checking my e-mails in the morning is anxiety producing!