February has been about the four R’s
Investigating the ideas and thoughts of my past and comparing them to what is here and now. The goal is to figure out the connections from the past to what I want in the future. A different form of the game “Connect the Dots”. I know this should be a very concrete process but with the addition of emotions to the mix, it becomes more random and scary.
I am learning that my comfort level that once challenged me is now boring to me. I want to be challenged more and not with the everyday mundane things, but in how I view something and how it makes me feel. I want to be able to understand things at a deeper level. I want to learn how to dissect a situation and walk away knowing that I learned something valuable.
I look at my artwork from last year and it feels different, not good, nor bad, just different. I want to thank the art for teaching me all that it did. But then I also want to ask it questions. Invite it out for coffee and see what it has to share with me. What did the art learn from me? What did I share with it? But it only stares back at me and holds up the same mirror I offered others to use when viewing my work. I feel a bit stuck because I do not know how to start the next painting…and the more I search the more it seems to ignore me.
I want to climb in and travel my landscapes to explore the blue skies, but I fear that in doing so I will never look back, and this scares me. What happens if my perception is not real to anyone else but me, without my past how can I create a future? So I hold these questions and ask the art yet to be made, if it might have the answers that I desire, as I sit in the silence…. waiting.