In the studio today…. a different focus, intent and expectation.
It has been a day of silencing the noise of the world while switching focus to a quiet reflection as I search inward listening to my inner voice. It has been a refreshing but also an uncomfortable experience. My journey into the art world has deepened this year as I have come to understanding a new definition and respect for the word ”process”
Process is not linear nor is it something that is easy to measure. This weekend was one that was filled with many Pride related events and normally I want to be part of these and enjoy the energy and excitement …this year my desire was to to pull within.
I create my art, as a means to offer an opportunity to share an intimate moment of time where the individual and my art are one and then the moment is gone. The art remains unchanged, but my intention is that the individual has changed, even if only on some molecular level appreciating something in a different light.
*Flashback*
When I was growing up I maintained a very strong understanding of what colors meant to me…. and I do not know where this thinking came from, but as far as I can remember it was there from my beginning.
Blue= calm
Red=anger
Yellow=fear
Blue+ Yellow = Green= growth
Blue + Red = Purple =love
Red + Yellow = Orange = sexual (not the same as sex)
It is through these that I have come to understand balance while working on my paintings. If you have ever wondered why there is very little of the color red represented in my work… this is why.
So to explore this… the past three days I have eaten my lunch from a red bowl as a representation of what I ingest not only physically, but also physiologically and emotionally from the world. While taking the food into my body that provides the strength allowing me to function throughout the day I question my diet as I explore my concepts about red and what anger is. What it means to me, why I hold on to it and why sometimes I feel it in the depth of my bones and the need to free myself from its constraints.
What have I learned? That my anger stems from moments that I handed over my power and self worth to individuals that had no right to that. During my mediations I have investigated what that felt like and how it informed me as an individual. I also understand now that it did not serve me well back then and it definitely does not serve me well to bring that into my present time. There is a strong responsibility for me to remove that cord that attached me to those feelings of the past.
Thoughts and feelings only have the power that you allow them, if you remove that power, they dissipate.
Things are ever changing, but if you hold on to a past belief system it is difficult to move forward. So for me now, red is less angry and more about red hot energy that is available in my world to help me create… because a world that is limited by your choice is limiting your potential.
… and as I said in the beginning, process is not a logical progression of thoughts and events.