How do you determine whether you have succeeded or failed at something?
I am working on a new piece that is pushing my comfort level, because it has the potential of moving my art in a different direction and I am not sure how to process that information or even begin to wrap my head around what that might mean for me in the future. The fact that it was a very long day and that I have been over extending myself and not getting much sleep makes it even more difficult. I have been feeling less balanced and centered in my actions and thoughts. Which is making this process even more problematic. Sometimes I come to the end of my energy only to realize there is more that needs to be done. An example would be this blog entry. It is already 12:23 Friday morning and this should have been posted almost 4 hours ago and I should be finishing up for the evening…but like most evenings I still have a list of things that I need to address.
I have people ask me where I get the energy to do all that I do…and to be honest I do not know. Even at times I am amazed that I am still standing up and have not fallen over from fatigue. But part of what keeps me going is what I hold to be true that separates my ideas surrounding success and failure. How this relates to me and the blurred lines that divides the two. I hold myself 100% responsible for my actions. I work as much as I can to explore new ideas and learn new techniques with the hopes that it will help me grow as an individual as well as an artist. I push myself as much as I can because I know that if I do not continue to try different things and learn all that I can that I will never be able to create the best that I can in my life and art.
In order for me to succeed (by my definition) I have to do things until I get it…however many times that takes and I cannot “give up” because if I give up I eliminate any chance of me succeeding. So this creates the drive to always do better than I have done in the past and to never have to look back in regret realizing that I didn’t give something my best try.
So I still do not know how to explain how I am able to do all of the things that I do in a day, but I know that I can not expect anything less from me and ultimately creating the life that I dream of is completely up to me. If I am not willing to put the work into it, how can I ever expect it to happen? I do not know of any other way to create this for myself, but to push through and do the very best that I can.