I have taken a little break from painting. Since the heat is preventing the oil paint from sticking to the canvas.   So I have decided to heat up the kitchen even more. Below is the latest of my creations. It is a cake call “Reine De Saba”(Queen of Sheba).  It was Julia Child’s favorite chocolate cake. I must admit it was a challenge to create… But, oh was it ever worth it!

I am beginning a of list of things to teach in the baking class starting this fall. I will keep you posted on dates and times.

Reine De Saba gâteau

Fear Is Not Your Friend

Fear has evolved to serve as a device to help protect our survival. The fight or flight theory is to protect us. In adults this mode of protection can become hypersensitive and turn to inhibiting and self-defeating actions. Most people do not have to run away from the tiger hanging outside their front door.  But sometimes they need to move to a different work environment and they are afraid to take that first step because of the question. What if?

What do you fear?

I have figured out for me that fear is often the absence of knowledge.  The moment you learn information, usually that fear dissipates.  There was never anything hiding under your bed when the lights were turned on.

I have been exploring what I fear in life: past, present and future. Creating a list of fears and then going back and exploring each to figure out where those fears originated.  I was taught as a child to be afraid of things that were not like me, things that were different. Not that they were necessarily bad but that I needed to mind my own business. I grew up in Indiana so there is not much diversity and fear was placed on all things that were different from us.

When I moved to Chicago this fear followed me. I was afraid of the city. It was big, busy and filled with many different types of people.

But something changed and the fear began to intrigue me and I wanted to learn more and experience everything that I could.

I have learned that the type of fear that was taught to me as a child does not serve me anymore. I no longer have to live my life in fear of the unknown.  I do not want to be surrounded by individuals who limit their greatness because of their own insecurities. The ones that subscribe to the philosophy that it’s a big scary world out there… and you should be afraid.

I understand that there are many levels of fear. But why go through life with the fear of the unknown.

My art has challenged me greatly because to create can be scary.  In order to create you have to be able and willing to give up control. Walking head high and boldly into what you fear most. This is how you find that tiny little kernel that will allow your art to have a creative soul.

What do you fear?

Why?

I know since I have placed a huge mirror in your hands the time has come that you want to point the reflection back at me. You are wondering what I am most afraid of…  I personally have so many things that I want to do with my life. The list seems to go on and on. My greatest fear is that there will not be enough time for me to accomplish all that I want achieve.

Summer weather offers me more time spent sitting on my back porch reading. I thought I would share with you the stack of books I have selected from my shelves for my summer reading enjoyment. Feel free to explore them with me. Let me know what you think and if we share any common choices.

“The Art Of Possibility”

Rosamund Stone Zander

©2000

“Writing To Learn”

William Zinsser

©1988

“The Lost Symbol”

Dan Brown

©2009

“Thoughts Of A Tribal Leader One Queerman’s Journey from the Ashes Risen“

Roger Goodman

©2011

“Claudine en ménage”

Willy et Colette

©1902

Happy reading to all!

Dreams are said to be the path into the soul. My dreams have never been direct or without confusing symbols. Unfortunately I usually wake up just before the good parts begin.

Today was no different, I dreamt that I was standing in line at the Post Office.  As time the moved forward the line stood still. I realized that everyone surrounding me was speaking French. I was so excited because this meant that in my dream I had finally arrived in France.

I was the next one in line and n my mind I am thinking what can I get. Stamps  a postcard… a souvenir. Not really even thinking why I was waiting at the Post office in the first place. I am preparing my conversation in my mind. Bonjour, ça va … and then I wake up… really?  I would have liked to have least slept a bit longer . Just to discover how much more I was going to be able say.  I triedto go back to sleep, but the moment was gone.

Dream a dream for me…

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I wanted to post the painting that I just finished to give you a chance to see how my paintings progress. There is a three month span between each photo. But at least you get the idea of my creative process. The painting is a little dark but I feel it represents something that happens much to often to wonderfully creative individuals.

In my life I have seen many individuals abandon their pursuit of their passions and settle for less, because it was easier.  We are all creative individuals by nature and we create in many different forms. You must at all cost stay true to yourself and have the courage to follow that inner voice and become the person you are meant to be. Never allow someone to tell you that you deserve anything less! Be Proud of who you are your both your talents and your challenges.

The painting’s main subject is a brightly marked butterfly that is trapped  [protected] within a bubble and in the background there is an iron grid. The beauty of the butterfly is protected by the bubble and then even more so by the iron grid in the background. If one looks closely the body of the butterfly has been replace by a human skeleton.

I have titled this piece “Papillon~ the death of caged beauty.” Papillon is a French word for Butterfly.

Often when we come across a thing of great beauty there is always the fear that someday it will leave or be taken away.  We tend to hold on tightly to prevent it from escaping. But often the same method of protection can also serve as a method of extermination. There is that famous quote about setting someone free if they return it was meant to be.  We are made of flesh and bone, but we are also 100% energy in motion, every cell in constant vibration.

Spread your wings and soar,  become the amazing person your were meant to be!

Is Facebook and Twitter your Friend? Is social media really anyone’s friend? I have posted on Facebook and I have tweeted. I am guilty!  I was content and had made friends with the social media concept. I have done research and learned all that I could.  I explored many of the different ideas, philosophies, expectations and approaches. I was comfortable with all of this and applied it to my art, my work and my life. It seemed to have purpose even if my followers on Twitter were my imaginary friends… they were mine!

I have used Facebook and Twitter as a means to share my art, my published articles and to try and expand the number of people that see my artwork and to try and build a following of friends and people that can share in my creative process. I have been doing this for over a year and at best I have an average of three/four people who will “Like” or comment on my posted or a piece of artwork that I have just finish… but as a general rule I have not received much feedback. I understand everyone is busy. But then it got werid when I posted that my phone had gotten wet and had stopped working. An hour later I had over 15 likes and posts concerning my phone.

I appreciate all the concerns that people shared. But I am really confused why a wet phone would get more attention than a painting that I have worked on for over a year.

So I post this as not to discredit the individuals that are my loyal fans and were genuinely concerned that my phone was dead. But I would like to pose these questions to everyone.

• Where does an artist post things to get exposure?
• What sites do you use?
• What formats have you found to be useful?
• How do you become more visible?

I only have so many hours in a day and just so much energy. I want to make sure that my time is used to the best of my ability.

Click “Collect Me” to help me win $10,000 and a show in the most immense exhibition of art in New York City : Art Takes Times Square.

This is my first Monday in 16 weeks that I have not had French class instead it was spent going to Home Depot with a very good friend of mine to pick out flowers for my back porch. Then I came home and planted all the flowers that will create my place of solitude for the summer. There was also a late night walk to Target to pick up a new chair and new dragonfly lights to wrap around the parameter of my space and a couple of candles…I am finally able to connect to my surroundings and feel again the shoulders are relaxed and no longer up by my ears. The last couple weeks of class were intense and very stressful to say the least. I have to thank the people who surround me everyday, THANK YOU for dealing with me…

So now I am relaxing on my back porch typing this and looking up at the stars.

Pondering what my future is to be…

I have a conversational class that I am starting June 6^th. I should feel relief that I made it though my first course but I feel even more pressure to get to a more comfortable level with my knowledge before I am forced to use what I have learned in a social setting.  It is one thing to talk to myself in the mirror and to have a real live person sitting in front of me giving me strange looks trying to figure out what the hell I am trying to say…

So the story continues… I knew that taking on the task of learning a language was going to be difficult. But let me be very clear, I had no idea that it would consume me in such a manner. For the past 16 weeks I have surrounded myself with French everything in my home is labeled in French. I have only listened to French music, I have even practiced my French numbers while riding my bike to and from work. I have even gone as far as trying to read a beginners French book.  All this and still if I am asked a question in French I fall apart. I may understand what has been asked, but not always…and to have to reply…really? lol

I also  have a painting on the easel that has been there for about 15 weeks the funny thing is that is a painting of a butterfly…for me this means transition.  I have felt that this moment  is where I need to be and I need to scratch and crawl and sometimes kicking my way to the other side. This is just my gut feeling, there is no logic to it, believe me I have sat many hours thinking what the hell, am I crazy for putting my self through this…and then I answer, Yes! as I continue studying… but you have heard this all before…I am crazy and I am learning French… Ce n’est pas de tes oignons!!! ( just kidding)

Something new as if my schedule is not insane enough. Crazy is what crazy does… but I have been playing with the idea of doing some freelance writing on the side to see if I can create a another source of income.  And to fill up that  extra spare free-time…lol   that is something sitting on the table waiting (literally) for me to explore. So my summer was to be relaxing, but anyone who know anything about me will know that is not something I can understand… nor do very well. There is a whole world waiting out there for me with many  new and wonderful things to explore and learn. I don’t want to miss anything!

What are your plans for the summer?

An entire month is almost gone and I don’t remember being part of it that much.  Days have become weeks and weeks quickly turn into months… and well you get the idea. I have three more weeks of class. I never thought it would have been this difficult or that I would have been able to progress so little. After 12 weeks I can attempt to say several sentences and then I fall apart like wet tissue paper… I have enjoyed the class completely, but I have had many crash and burn moments, some I dealt gracefully others well, not so much.

Next on the list~ I need to prepare for my final…oral test, and then a two page paper, in French! The topic: an autobiography of myself!

On a different note, I want to start to painting again. I have been really missing the smell of oil paint and the sense of calm I feel when I am able to paint. In comparison to dreaming that my walls are cover in French words I cannot pronounce. I have been working, well I started a painting a couple months ago, and it is still where I left it… (the paint dried and more than likely a layer of dust settled on the surface).  A painting of a butterfly… it seems that this might be a reflection of my current reality. Taking the French class has really pushed my levels of tolerance and what I thought I could do. So in a way I feel that I have become somewhat transformed… I know that seems cheesy and superficial. But I have more respect for individuals that are able to speak more than one language.  The ones that speak 4-5 different ones I am sure can walk on mist also.

I admit that learning French is difficult for me. But it is something that I will conquer,  it may not be tomorrow. But I have made a promise to myself that I will be fluent in French before I go there in 2014.  For my friends that have to deal with me through this journey… I am sorry!